Week 47: The Pavilion

Happy fall, y’all!

We love shopping at Megapaca (aka Guatemalan DI) and taking a selfie with the temple!

I know we’ve still got a couple of weeks before the Autumn Equinox passes, but September does not have the vibe of a summer month in the slightest. Because I’m always in school by the time we’ve reached that point. Or on a mission.

Here we are with San Carlos Sija and the Sister Training Leaders (wow I love them)

This week was admittedly stressful. We had a couple of pretty big emergencies on the medical side of things (that I won't get into for confidentiality and it’s-really-gross reasons), and it’s been hard, because Hermana González really wants me to take a bigger part in some of the nursing responsibilities. I do, too, but there’s a huge lack of language mastery, and I haven’t been able to effectively communicate with the Spanish-speaking missionaries when something is going on. They normally just ask me to pass the phone to Hermana González, which is #embarrassing.

These flip-flops had me cackling for what I think are obvious reasons.

Our last comp inventory was about that, because, whether I like it or not, I’m going to have to fulfill this responsibility without Hermana González in about seven weeks. I’ll have another companion to support me, but she probably won’t know as much English for me to use as a crutch if I need to explain something, and she won’t have as much experience as I do. It’s hard, because it’s not as if I can set aside hours on end to study medicine and its specialized vocabulary. I’m a whole missionary on top of everything. I came to realize, as we were talking, that there simply was not a catch-all solution. We can’t magically have the calling be easier, or for me to perfect conversational Spanish overnight. Life just doesn’t work like that.

Xela Centro all together (the most ambitious crossover of all time)

We had Zone Conference this week, and one of the things we did was watch a virtual tour of the Nauvoo Temple and Carthage Jail. When I think about Joseph Smith’s martyrdom, and all of the trials of the early Saints, I can only imagine how overwhelmed and stressed and abandoned they felt. I think that the beginning of Section 121 in Doctrine and Covenants is pretty well-known, but I love it:

1 O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?

It is very easy to feel alone. Each person is so uniquely themselves. There is no one like you. But within the beauty with that truth, there’s an integral challenge our souls experience. No one is like you. No one has lived your life. No one has experienced what you’ve gone through. It is impossible for anyone to truly know and to understand your pain, your suffering, and your complete story.

That’s why I think it's so amazing that the Atonement of Jesus Christ exists. He experienced complete loneliness, and was forsaken so that we never have to be (Matthew 27:46). He is a perfect person with perfect empathy. What he sacrificed is infinite and all-encompassing. It is the pavilion. And it covers what the early Saints experienced. It covers hate and persecution in all its forms. It covers stubbing your toe as you’re walking up the stairs. It covers that embarrassment when you forgot to do the math homework. It covers the tears and heartache of a broken relationship. It covers everything that I lack.

What I learned is that I am not suddenly going to turn into the person I want to be. I don’t think I’ll ever quite get there, in my mission, or in my life. But I realized that if I “trust in the Lord with all [my] heart; and lean not unto [my] own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5), everything really will be OK. As I’ve focused on the small things, like reading my scriptures, and making my bed, and talking to everyone I pass on the street, my burdens become so much lighter. They’re still real, but I’m not alone in them. I never was.

— Have a great week!

Hermana Newton